The factory is silent. Its assembly line stands motionless. Somewhere off in the darkness, a buzzer sounds. One by one, lights begin to flicker and illuminate on long-unmanned diagnostic panels, giving a sense of enormity and complexity and scale to the machinery. The low hum of power supplies warming up comes next, followed by the higher and louder whine of turbines and electric motors. A whistle sounds, and one by one, employees begin to file in and take their places at the controls. Purposed for a single task, whose time has now come, the factory slowly comes to life...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Fish burps!

The prescription prenatals I got are loaded with those good little Omega 3s, which we all (probably) know come from fish oil. Normally, my Omega 3-6-9 pills were not a problem, because I can take them with food. However, due to the nutritional content of these prenatals, I have to take them one hour before or two hours after eating. (Don't even get me started on how I have to take my thyroid meds one hour before and two hours after eating, but at least 4 hours apart from the prenatals, and God knows how I'm supposed to fit the antibiotics in there! I'm constantly on a mental timer.)

So the Omega 3s without food make you burp, and when you do, it tastes wonderfully like fish. Who thought this was a good idea: to give an almost-constantly-nauseated segment of the population something that makes them burp fish? Couldn't they have found a better way?

Here it comes again... Ugh, I feel like a sea lion.

(Yes folks, this blog is not always deep and insightful...)

Lastly, the doctor's office returned my follow-up call yesterday to leave me a message to say that my hCG test results looked "fine" and if I have any other questions to call them back. I hate when I get answers like "fine" and "normal." I'm a values kinda person. I want to know, quantitatively, what that means. So I may push the issue and find out, but this time I will more than likely just leave it alone until my ultrasound in a week and a half.

Monday, October 27, 2008

More testing

Today is the start of Week 5. I've got the appleseed-sized baby in there again!

On Friday the doctors' office called me and wanted to repeat my hCG test, because the idea of the best test is that you're supposed to see a change, up (hopefully) or down as the days progress, so a single test isn't really useful...

On the phone they also said I had a high enough Group B strep count in my urine that they wanted to give me antibiotics! I thought that was odd, because I don't have any symptoms of a bladder infection but the nurse said that happens sometimes. So they called in a prescription for some amoxicillin.

I went to the doctors office and the lab tech brought me back to the lab. On the way she confirmed what I was there for, and the doctor who ordered the test, and seemed pleased about who I said it was because then she added, "Ooh, you got the right one!" When the blood test was done, I asked to see the nurse who had called me to come in because I had some questions, so the tech paged her.

I wanted to know about what antibiotics they had prescribed before I picked them up, and I was pleased to hear the nurse say that she saw on my chart that I was allergic to sulfa and tetracycline, so they didn't give me anything like that. She also told me that my progesterone level was good and normal at 15, and my hCG was 165. She said that may sound low, but it means nothing until they get the reference value of that day's blood test, so not to worry.

I feel much more confident this time that I'm getting the care I need. Now I'm just waiting to hear back about Friday's blood test.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Baby 2.0 is Online!

Well, it seems Craig and I have the "How to Make a Baby" thing DOWN.

Now, we just have to do our best to keep the little bean in there and growing!

We had the first prenatal appointment today with a very nice doctor who I like just as much (so far) as "Dr. Good." He apparently read up on me BEFORE he came in the room which is definitely a plus! He asked me how I was feeling and I said good! And he asked if I was excited, and I said yes, but a little scared! And he said, sure, that's completely understandable because of what happened last time. But he reassured me they were going to take good care of me. He said they would do blood work today, so they tested the beta hCG and progesterone levels, and he said if everything looks okay they'll see me back in three weeks for an ultrasound!

I'm really hoping I don't freak out waiting for three weeks, but I'll try to remain calm...

I'm having a hard time right now feeling happy. It's like I can't let myself feel happy about the whole thing yet because if I do, and it comes crashing down on me again, I'm going to be in for some serious hurt. So I know it's just defensive skills kicking in, but I almost feel guilty about it. Like this new little one should have all the happiness and excitement that I exerted on the last one, but I just can't let myself feel that way yet. I still want to cry and let myself be scared, because it's probably healthy to let that all out, but I feel guilty regardless.

So right now I'm torn. I know we're still excited and it's just as thrilling as last time, but I can't be happy yet. Maybe once we get past the first ultrasound (which is going to be murder -- I don't know if I'll even be able to look) and maybe if we get farther than we did last time, I'll let myself feel happy then... I know the hardest part for most people is even *getting* pregnant but that doesn't seem to be our issue. And maybe there *are* lots of things they can do for me to help me keep the baby, but it's so sad that we had to go through what we did last time to get that sort of help.