The factory is silent. Its assembly line stands motionless. Somewhere off in the darkness, a buzzer sounds. One by one, lights begin to flicker and illuminate on long-unmanned diagnostic panels, giving a sense of enormity and complexity and scale to the machinery. The low hum of power supplies warming up comes next, followed by the higher and louder whine of turbines and electric motors. A whistle sounds, and one by one, employees begin to file in and take their places at the controls. Purposed for a single task, whose time has now come, the factory slowly comes to life...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


At week 36, it seems like it's all over but the waiting, now.

From the pages of "Duh" magazine:

Babies are expensive!!!

Craig and I spent the last couple of weeks shopping for things we didn't have yet, and WOW -- have we spent a lot of money! Thank God for our nice tax return this year. I don't know how other people do it.

I tried to rationalize it this way:
Imagine if you took in a refugee who had nothing. Imagine what it would take to outfit this person with everything they needed: clothing, food, toiletries, etc. Then consider that they are a special-needs person and also require lots of specialized equipment to get around and just for day-to-day living. What would that cost? Probably more, actually, than what it costs to outfit a baby. (Baby clothes are cheap in comparison to adult clothes!)

We went to the doctor yesterday for a checkup. Baby Girl was kicking around just fine. Nice strong heartbeat, still measuring on track. They had me get in the stirrups to do a Group B Strep culture. Yes, they already found GBS in my urine at that 10 week or so exam, but he said it doesn't hurt to do it again at 36 weeks. He didn't want to check my cervix this time because he said it's too early. But after feeling my abdomen he said he thinks she's already facing downward, so that's a good sign!

My pelvis feels like it's coming apart, and my lower back is killing me most of the time. I feel positively geriatric. What was I thinking having my first baby at 37 years old?? I'm so jealous of the under-30 crowd at this point. I'm sure I would have had a much easier time if I had started earlier.

Physically, anyway. Because then the logic-brain kicks in and reminds me I was in absolutely no place financially or emotionally to handle taking care of a tiny human when I was younger. I really needed the time to figure things out about who I am and what I wanted to do with my life before I decided to have a kid. Not to mention the fact that my traditional sensibilities wouldn't have allowed me to have a baby without a decent father in the picture for her. I kept to the plan:
1. Financial independence
2. Career stability
3. Marriage
4. House
5. Baby

It just took a really long time to get there. But I'm glad I did it this way. Would I do it this way again? Probably. But I would like to have known then what I know now. I would have gotten here much sooner.

And speaking along those lines, and of nonevents...

Today is our third wedding anniversary. Craig and I have neglected to get each other anything. I think we both just sort of forgot with all the baby excitement, and it's fallen by the wayside. We'll probably just go out to dinner and have a nice relaxing evening at home. I told him his present is that I'm making this baby for him. And he says that HE made the baby. So I guess it was a team effort, and that makes for a nice anniversary gift, indeed.

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